so feel asleep last night at five thirty, and did not wak till about eight o'clock this morning. so needless to say when my alarm went off i was shocked. did not man to sleep that long or to even sleep at home last night. meant to go to a party that was going on and have a blast there. did not get there so i don't know wha happened and i would like to find out. n-e-way. kat is making cd's for her life. i think that is kinda funny and cool. i think i might do something like that. i need to get some stress undone. hope that kat and allyson had a good time last night at the party. and hope that kat got to work on time. wonder what is going to happen to my work. o-well. more later tongiht

beware violent lauange and explicit content

ok so this is going to be a hate blog. warning. found out today that one of my friends thinks that being gay is a choice. but it's not. i don't have control over who i find attractive or beautiful. I find both sex nice. we talked about this for about half an hour there's no way of changing her mind to seeing that I don't have a choice. I don't think that we are going to get past this hurdle in the relationship. but it never was going anywhere since I left NWMSU. she did not invite me to her wedding. maybe she needs to get her head out of her ass and see that I don't have a choice. she thinks that she choose the right path. that she is on the path to recovery in denying her feelings towards girls. I believe that she is repressing her feelings to that she can feel better in her religion, which says that being gay is a sin. this makes me sad that she thinks that god does not love everything god made. why would god make something and then not love it? I just don't understand why. why do we have to be divided? I don't understand. why. I just don't understand this. I understand a lot of things but I don't understand why. if you understand please tell me. please. I want to understand so that I can fix it. *banging head against walls all around her* (all of them have become padded mysteriously)

got back from the potluck for church at the starke's house just fine. enjoyed my self. loved the starke's house and garden. diane will be on the master gardeners tour in 2006. visited with john and susan. kinda played with the kids when they weren't playing with all the other kids. thomas is so cute. i love his curls. i wonder if he will be a burnet or red head. i need to shave. don't want to. bell choir will be starting up in oct. we need more bell players but i think that we can handle the bells. hopefully. told martha that i was going to go to eden. and she was so happy. and said that she would help me find an undergraduate program that would be good and in the kc area. will talk to john again on thursday. and i signed up to usher at the nutcracker. don't know what i ws thinking. maybe i wasn't. o well it's done and i'll be doing it. so i'll be stuck at my parents house for another two to three years. owell. free rent. free food. not nessicarly good food but free food.

i am tired.

hello. i am tired of being jerked around. i want to be able to be the raving launtic that i can be. but that would not reflect very well on me. because that means that i did not understand what was going on and that i'm an idiot, by not repecting what they are going through and putting my needs ahead of thiers. which i totally understand that makes me insensitve. but i don't become the raving launtic becasue it does reflect badly and does no good what so ever. it just means that you get to blow off steam for a few days and then you are still right back where you started. this is all about my girlfriend breaking up with me. she had issues that need to be dealt with and i understand them i just don't want to accpet that she is breaking up with me. i want to stay with her and help her through them and make them all better for her. but it can't happen that way. she has to find her own happiness within her. won't be going to ren fair this weekend like planned. i'll be going to a church thing instead like planned( the church thing was planned first then the ren fair was planned and i planned to do the ren fair but i don't have grab to wear and therfore i can't go). went to st louis and had a blast. was lost for two hours looking for a school called eden. it helps if you get directions first. thought that i could remember where it was by the roads and the srounding area. thankgoodness for quick trip, and thier employes. found my way to eden and toured the campus and talked to the admissions office. the sectaury is very nice and just moved to the st. louis area about six months ago from pittsburg pa. little chrystal took her test and wont' know for four to six weeks if she passed or not. talk to you later.

sleep in my own bed tonight

So i get to sleep in my own bed tonight(yea!). Went to warrensburg last night and monday night went to work inbetween. I'm debating wither to cut my hair or let it grow longer. I had a good time in warrensburg. I want to be in warrensburg all the time. I'm going to st. louis on thursday night and staying til friday night and coming home on friday night. Will tour Eden and enjoy the st. louis area. Did not get my clothes done for fair but it's ok I will get them done this year to wear to fair. Morrow i will go to longview to play some magic. Don't have much else to say.

Hello again. Had a busy weekend. Went to ren fair and worlds of fun, on Saturday. Bought a tigger toggs top. I love tigger toggs. charlotte's birthday went well. She enjoyed going to ren fair, unfortunately little chrystal had to leave early and go to work. So we did not get to see the show that charlotte wanted to see. Did not get burnt. Yea!!!. Hope to get my clothes done this week? Don't know if this will happen but will try. Got a new journal and mug holder. Damn bugs. No matter what I do I still get bit. Will write more later.

ahahahah. people need to start showing up at my store so that i'm not so bored. we were slow again today. it goes so slow when the store is slow. started reading The Witching Hour by Anne Rice. sitting at ihop writing this, is fun. waiting on little chrystal, so that we can plan what we do for charlotte's birthday. so i'm going to this pinic on sunday, for church. and it's going to be fun. it's welcome back sunday for church adn everyone comes back from summer vacation. not much else to say.

Hello, the net was down last night and I couldn't get on, so I'm writing this morning. But I'll also be writing later tonight. Yesterday at work was really slow. I only did about two hundred and fifty people. Still sunburnt. Have not started to peel. Wrote a poem last night, about my girlfriend. I miss her. I should sign off need to get ready for work.

well i had today off from work and did not go down to warrensburg. shocking. i wanted to but my girlfriend needs to rest. she has pneumonia. not good. gr agr. maybe i'll see her this weekend. this past weekend i went to ren fair. got really sunburnt. my shirt hurt to have it on. but ren fair was worth getting the burn.