so i've not been keeping up to date. this have happened. things have stayed the same. this that have happened: kat confessing that she loves me, ^^ so happy about that. ^^ talked about becoming an apprentice to mellissa, karen lost her job, i started a budget(spending was way out of control), little chrystal might be joining kenpo, am dog sitting this weekend., went to wof with the youth group of my church, got new earrings.
things that have stayed the same: dislike my job, dislike the people i work for, dislike some of the people i work with, dislike not having my own place but not enough money to have my own place.

would like to have some time by my self. which i kinda will get. while dog sitting. am starting to want to run away again. i am scared. i am scared that i won't be good enough or have enough brain power to do what god wants me to do. what even more is that i don't feel it anymore. i don't know if this is from the drugs that i am talking or what but i don't really feel anything anymore. i think part of it is the drugs. and the other part is me wanting to run away. i hope to be ready to run away in about a year. i have not planned to run away before. before it just happened that i ran away. i returned. was kinda lost be had enough people who knew a vauge idea of where i was that i was ok with that i was doing. but now it is me planning and knowing where i am going and what i am going to do. i am ready and willing to do this. it will help i think. i hope. i pray.