um been a while since i last updated

ok so not much has happened since i last updated. yes it has been almost a month. wow what long time. last week karen, robyn, kat, cecil and myself were supposed to go to a place called tootsie's new place. they were having bingo, karkaoe, and dragqueens. fisrt cecil was like i dont know cause i have work in the moring and class after that. but i understand cause i have work also but not class. so karen and i were like k and called robyn and she forgot also and was using the night to talk about getting her business started. after that we were like k and called kat and she also had forgotten and was going to go to warrensburg to play down there. so karen and i decided that we should go hang with kat down in the burg. it was ok but we should have gone to tootsie's. i've been thinking alot lately about my craziness. and i think it is time that i sot help. i am going to see if mama's offer still stands tomorrow night. i am just tired of having to live everyday just living by the hour saying to myself that it will get better and it doesn't. nor do i have the will or ablitiy to have intercourse. i just can't open myself up again like that, right now. so i've been hanging with karen alot lately and been thinking about that also. i've always had someone attached at the hip to me all the time. i can't remember i time when i could not just call someone and they would be there or i would be there for them. i've always had someone like that. i've been lucky i guess. never beingning truly alone. i've tried to be that person. i was called upon once but did not answer the call. i am clean up patrol. i fix what ever is broken after it breaks. i can't fix it while it breaks or before it breaks. only afterwords can i fix it. i am slowly breaking. and i have broken many times. i mostly fix myself but the duct tape is not working much any more. and i'm running out of it. i need to save the duct tape for when really big events occur and not little minor ones. i need to fix the minor ones and then i can fix the major ones easier. on to the next subject, little chrystal is still being locked up in her mothers house. the poor thing. i miss her. i got to talk to her today for a bit. she was out of class and was on her way home. wish that i could have seen her but at least i got to talk to her. not much else going on in the mind of me or at lest non that i can talk about on here.