the closet

so i'm hiding/living in a different closet right now. the closet that i'm in is not one that you would think of as being in a closet normaly. i'm hiding from myself in this one. because i'm afraid of what will happen if i admit what is in this closet. it would mean that i would have to relay on other people. and not just in that i would be talking to them it is also be in that in all aspects of life. but in writing this is this a coming out of the closet? casue i've not told you what is in the closet of doom. this is the biggest closet of doom. one of my biggest fears also. rev john today that we need to give our hopes nad fears to God. which i totaly agree. and in doing so i know that i will feel much better and have the fear relived. or at least it would not be my fault. but this is my fault. i've let it get this far. and have come so far and yet am so back in the stone age with this that i should be jailed for hurting the ones that i love this much that it is going to hurt them.

so now on to the next subject. which i don't know. have nothing to look forward. maybe my knitting/crochet group. which i enjoy. maybe i should find something else that makes me happy and start it so that i can have something to look forward but what happens when what is fun turns into a have to? and ho do i find something that i enjoy?

reading the second book in the eragon series. Eldest.

nothing else. night and loves.