so i have not posted how thankgiving went

so here it is. thursday morning mom and i were trying to get all the things that we were supposed to take to aunt carey's cooked and ready to put in the car. while doing this dad makes comment on the turkey that mom cooked last night and what we were going to be doing with that. so mom puts everything down and starts putting the turkey in litle baggies so that it'll fit in the fridge. while doing this dad starts mashing the tatters and asks how much milk and how much butter to put in them. mom tell dad that you eyeball it. you'll just know. and i knew that, that was not the answer he was looking for. he wanted so much butter and so much milk for so many pounds of tattters. which as it turns out dad is not very good at eyeballing it. the tatters were more than a bit lumpy and dry. but we ate them anyway. so we finaly get everyone and thing in the car. and head out. make it to aunt carey's without a problem. aunt carey is still cooking somethings when we arrive so we talk while we wait on dana and rachel. they arrive and carey finishes cooking. grandma says grace. grandma or grandad always say grace. not that i have a problem with them saying grace. i guess i was just expecting that it might fall to me. i guess i was to hopeful. i was definitly jumping the gun on that one. having the family have me say grace. but in my family the one who says grace rules us all. and in saying it now i know it also. i know that grandma rules and expects that she is to return grace. which i totaly understand. it is her right to rule and return grace. she has earned that right. and to pass that right down to someone as low as me would be wrong in so many ways in her eyes. and i am would be wrong in so many ways if she knew that i am gay. it would shock and appal her. after dinner i went to the plaza lighting with some friends. where we have made it a tradation. it's a nice tradation. i enjoy it very much. i get to spend time and that evening with them. i get to spend thankgiving with them. i am thankful that they are my friends. i am thankful that i have family in which to spend thankgiving with. i love and cherish them. and love them. even aunt carey. i did try this year. and she seemed different some how. i don't know if it has been becasue she is now a grandma or because i was trying. but she seemed more loving.

now for something comlpetly different. we had the ona open fourm on sunday. it went well those who had something to share did. or those who had questions asked. we could not/did not answer them all becasue we(the task force) did not know ourselves. mom made a comment. and after the fourm one of the other task members asked me if my grandparents were members. and i said yes. ever since they moved up here from indepence ks and found the church. then the member asked for their names. i told the member their names. and now i have the feeling that the member is going to have a chat with my grandparents that mom nor i could have. for risk of gettign me out of the closet to them. it would be wonderful if this member were to talk to my grandparents. and at least have the seed growing and be able to see things from another light. and it would be nice if i were to be accepted by them. i would love them all the more. i lvoe them now but i am afarid to tell them for fear of losing their love.

good night and loves.