wait or don't wait

that is the question. do i wait until after christmas to look for a new job? or do i go out and get a new job and say "i'm going to be going to alabama for christmas." i don't know how much longer i can stay. i almost cried today. i went home so angry from work that i should have been in tears. plus new girl was in the produce. even writing about it right now i am almost crying. is it worth this much to go back to alabama? do i want to badly to put myself through this much stress and pain and horridness that i am going to be venting everytime i write? i don't know yet. i would like to say no so that i could move on but i love alabama so much that i can't help but wnat to go back. i so badly want to be in alabama. i am not home here. i am just visiting. i just visit where ever i go. i am so scared that if i go to alabama that i'll be rejected by the state that i love so much. i don't know where this love came from only that i do. i can't explain it. or if i did it would make it so much smaller than it is. even in my house that i grew up in i'm just visiting. but i also some how feel that i am just visiting this plane of being. so if anyone reads this please leave a comment on what i should do. or at least your thoughts. thank you