family

so this weekend closes and that annual cousions reunion is over. and the usual question was asked. or at least the boyfriend subject was flown to see if i would pluck it down and bring in and rescue me. which is crazy. i don't know when i'll tell them. i know that i will have to tell them. i wish that they would understand. mom and aunt sue, were trying to get the family tree going. and don't know if they got anywhere. but at least we got to see pictures and line up the names with pictures.

missed church this morning. and i did not realize how much the church is apart of me. i wanted to be with my family but also i know that the church is part of my family. but this family i only get to see once a year and so far each year there are regualrs and then there are cousions who did not make it to the others, for many vaired reasons.

so this saturday we go to alabama. YEA^^ i love aunt cindy. have not told aunt cindy don't know if mom has told her. i think that she should know becasue she desivers to know and i think that she'll be alright with it. don't know since she has been in the south for so long but i know that i'm not her child but she has been freer with me than with brother. or at least it seems that way to me. don't know how the trip will be but i hope that it will be able to be fight free.

i don't like seeing or hearing my parents fight for any reason. some fights happen becasue no one talks about what needs to happen or what is happening.so i've started talking about these thigns but it does not seem to be rubbing off. no one cares except if i don't do something. again with the negative reinforcement. yea how fun it that. so it seems that the nile has taken up residency in kansas city, in my house. flooding my house with slience.

so on friday i helped mom get ready for reunion. i measured, stirred, chopped, boiled water. i cooked. what's even better is that during all this cooking i did some laurndary. and hung it out. all the while saying to myself, "i hate domesticy." poor joe, he had to hear all about it at starlight. did not stay to see the show but the gate did nto have any shade but that was ok because we talked and enjoyed the time with each other. did not really bond but got more info on someone. and found out that i have more in common with them than before. and realized why i've always gotten the look from a mom and daughter team. it's cause i'm the youngest and they are not. they are oldest and middle? will have to check with mary grace to see.

there is so much more but it's kinda late and i get to have kinda a late morning tomorrow at work.

why am i blammed for thigns that i have no control over? or if i have any control it's so minuate that it really doesn't matter if i give my say or not.