much later

ok so it's been more than a day since i last wrote. much and nothign at the same time has happened. i talked to the lady at church for three hours. did not intend to tlak that long but it could have gone on longer had she said that's enough for today lets break. it was kinda awkard going to her place of employment to talk with her. said things aloud that i had thought but never voiced. i also sent her an e-mail saying that i did not want my parents at my funeral and not knowing with everyone else int he room knowing. and she freaked out. she thought that i was going to harm myself. not now that i've come so far. so i called her and she would not let me go until i said that i would seek help if i felt that way. which i'm sure she meant well but it does not always work.
and know that grandma will never accept me. or if she does it will take her a long time. i need to tell lisa. she needs to know. we went through a lot together. and it would not be right for her to not know.
finding another job is not working out all that well. in that i've not found one. so i'm going to stay and still look.
i'm starting to hang more with kat and i love it. and am starting to be happy again. not much else.