one week and meeting later

so now it's monday and last night i had a meeting with the other member of the congeration that i was told about. it was kinda weird at first. i should meation that is was cold in the room. so i was sherving. so was not thinking all that through. the meeting started out with her asking a couple of questions and me telling her the answers and then instead of her having to pull me teeth anymore than she already did, i told her why we were there. i am currently asking john what he told her to find out if she jsut staging not knowing or if she wanted to her it from me. if it is the latter then it felt very cruel to me. it felt that she did not trust me. i've never given her any reason not to trust what i say. and now i'm beginning to sound like a winny and ungrateful person. damn. it definitely helped talking to her. it helped very much so. i figured out i don;t know and truly don't know not jsut my thinking it but in all i don't know. i don't know how my parents will act/react. laura, marty and sharon think mom already knows. i think she does also but am not sure. but like kat says it will be a cold day in hell when mom asks "kay are you gay?" i know that mom will never ask me. it's a subject that no one talks about in my family. it's taboo. the meeting definitely opened my eyes to what i was closing my eyes to. things that i did not want to think or say. that's all i'm going to say right now.